killing me softly...

I just had to watch 5 Centimeters per second when i'm in need of some companionship and something to do...
Great, now i feel much worst than when i started.

Guinea Pigs Can't Stand Being Lonely

"every great paint chat has at least a potato in it."
(courtesy of Sleepy, Sifu & me)

Pet owners frequently tell of their sole surviving pet Guinea pig soon following their companion not long after its death. It has been told that Guinea pigs can actually die of loneliness.

i guess i can sort of relate to those Guinea pigs now. If i did not have an elder bro to hang around with and rely on constantly i could have fallen into some sort of depression. i am always surrounded by people, but it still feels like i'm quite alone. It isn't about my inability to make new friends, but more like the sort of friends that ain't there just for face value.

High school friends, the closest bunch i've ever known are all busy with their own adult lives now, meeting only on rare yumcha occasions or holiday celebrations. My spirits are always lifted when i meet up with them, with the usual casual banters and curses that makes me most at home with these guys.

Art/hobby friends, the bunch i really enjoy hanging out with are currently sorta inactive. We used to motivate each other to churn out new works and draw upon the expertise of each other for the betterment of ourselves. Ever-since i started working, plus the others sorting out their studies and also work life, there has been less activity among us.

i found this out to be one of the reasons i have been feeling quite demotivated and depressed lately. After a night spent paint-chatting briefly with some of my mates, i felt my spirits lifted a tiny bit, which is hard to come by these days. With some reflection i realized then that it has to do with the longing of hanging out and doing the things i love to do with my gang. i have been in isolation from them for months and it has been slowly eating away at me.

i guess now that i know the reason why, i could work towards a remedy for my recent downcast. Knowing is half the battle won.

There's Always a Bitch on the Side of the Coin You Flip

Client commands friend.

Gets request from friend to improve design.

Spends time help friend out.

Client rejects & returns to original design.

Payment forfeited.

.

.

.

.

.

.

You awesome local companies. Artists breathe in air to fill stomach.

------------------------------------------------

Gets a rare tempting/delicious request, have not the time for it.

Gets shitty requests, have too much time to not take it up.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Life you trolling like a bauss. fml...

------------------------------------------------

Charge reasonably for requests.

Gets no requests.

Clients complain too expensive.

Clients haggle price.

Charge cheaper.

Gets request.

Clients expect effort level on par with reasonable charge.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Cheap, fast & awesome. All 3 are mutually exclusive. Choose 2 at stretchable most.

Bastards...

Nostalgia

"Your answer, lies with this rod that i'm about to probe into you"

Sometimes i go through some of my old articles and wonder to myself, "Wow, what an interesting life i used to have," although back then life was much more hectic with the constant indoctrination to myself that 'I had no life'.

I always feel that my life thus far has been quite a normal one with little excitement to it or none. In retrospect, there had been plenty of moments that i realized now, with a little longing, that i will forever cherish within my very being. My memory is not an excellent one to store every bit of it, so i'm starting to feel thankful to my past self for diligently updating journal entries like a little personal diary to my future self.

So recently i ponder to myself, has the color in my life started turning shades of grey? Things are happening daily that makes my life not at all idle and boring, but rarely have i made any memorable moments yet to be cherished. I constantly wish to hit the rewind button, to return to the past where my happy carefree self dwells without giving a sh*t to the world.

But of course, i'm just one of those who are reverberating the sentiments of a vast majority of individuals. I need to do a bit of self-reflection and start searching for the answers to regain the vibrant color pallet that i seemingly washed away.

Gain Some, Lose Some

Lately, almost a year after graduating, i realized that what i learnt in college was just the tip of an iceberg. I'm slowly beginning to become aware of a lot of things that weren't clear to me while i was still learning them in classes.

Probably, that might be due to the nature of the education system i went through - tight deadlines, and meeting the expectations of others rather than self. i found that it was hampering actual learning abilities during those times. But it might not be entirely the system's fault, as i feel that i was pretty slow in picking up new things as well.

Thankfully i had at least been introduced to how certain things should be done. The rest is mostly up to myself to find out and improve on. What was really useful was the exposure to certain methodologies that i find most important of all during my years of education.

In retrospect, i was lucky that i tried my utmost when doing my stuff, although at times the task was not up to my liking. Thanks to that the pointers given then has slowly resurfaced to a new understanding.

In the process of polishing the areas that i need working on right now, i realized too that some of the things that i could do years back, i might not be able to do so easily now. Part of me wishes to retain those old skills, but that just pins me down to my comfort zone.

I guess i should stop worrying about that anyway and start focusing on strengthening my basics for now. There's still a lot i need to explore on, and it is truly fortunate to have many peers and seniors that are guiding me along the way. I do hope to reach their standards one day.

The road is still long, but step by step i will try to reach the end. At my own pace.

Time and again

Whoa it's already been about 3 years since the existence of this blog. Time flies when i'm busy not noticing it. Looking back, i sometimes ponder to myself how much have i changed since those embarrassing entrees. Years down the road from now, i might still be thinking the same. Guess this is part of growth again.

Time to time, i feel like putting in an entree for this blog, but always tend to procrastinate it because it felt cumbersome to log into this account. (I was permanently logged into my youtube account, and this blog was on a diff account...) But then since i utilize 2 web browsers these days, i thought why not log in permanently for the other browser.

Hence, a feeble attempt right now to resuscitate this sad sad forgotten corner of the internetz. This blog's purpose has changed over the passing of moons, from WIP step-by-step entrees to personal diary, and then to rants & whines, and back to dumping some doodles occasionally when i feel like it. I'm not so sure what sort of whim and fancies will pop up now that i have decided to revive this redundant space. Maybe a short update on what i have been up to in the duration of MIA.

Hopefully though, i have less of an excuse to not drop entrees now that i have gotten rid of the cumbersome log in problem.

Disillusioned

Yea...need to move on.

Green Day - Boulevard of Broken Dreams.